Famous Atheist Michael Newdow, fresh from his Supreme Court campaign to strip "under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance, has filed suit against the estate of Transoceanic Airlines Captain Myles Lucky. Lucky was one of 88 persons who perished when a Transoceanic jet flying a military charter crashed April 1, 1989 in Gander, Newfoundland. The root of Newdow's case is that Captain Lucky's last words, recorded on the CVR of the ill-fated DC-8, were, "Oh, my God!"

For the first time since a hostile takeover led by the Gambini family, Mob Air Tuesday took to the skies, promising to revolutionize low-cost passenger flight, "or else."

After forcing airlines to enact crazy policies that prohibit passengers from standing up in airliners or waiting in line for the use of the toilet during long-haul flights, the TSA has just enacted a new rule that would prohibit passengers from complaining about the carrier's level of service. The agency claims those that don't like typical airline amenities like small seats, crabby flight attendants or lost baggage are disturbing the peace and causing undue aggression. For this reason, no passenger will be allowed to complain about airline service at anytime commencing from the seat is purchased until bags have been collected a the destination point.

US Airways CEO David Siegel is reportedly out, apparently having lost control of the company in a high-stakes poker game.

Charred and twisted aluminum littered the scene yesterday after a Washington press conference lapsed into chaos. The aluminum came from the tinfoil hats worn by cranks who argued over the cause of the explosion of TWA Flight 800 in 1996. Conspiracy theorist Nigel Von Braun held the press conference to announce that the cause of the explosion was "Resonance. The fundamental frequency of the forks in business class meals was F two octaves below middle C; that was the same frequency as the fuel tank. Some guy hit the edge of his fork against the seatback table, and boom. We have been neglectful of the fork fundamental frequency hazard."

While its low-budget carrier has seen some limited success, Delta airline's newest venture promises to be "real cool." Called Swang Song, Delta's newest low-budget spinoff picks-up where Song left off. Named after a famous Led Zeppelin album, Swan Song will offer passengers a trip back in time to the 1960's. From miniskirt-clad flight attendants to the complimentary "herbal" tea, Swan Song promises to be an experience like no other.

A Dallas-based Dating service that offered an aviation twist to the age-old dating game remained closed today after federal agents seized its records last week. Captain Date promised well-bred young women dates with high-earning American Airlines captains and first officers. But because the service did little or no fact checking, the girls wound up paired with lowly regional pilots, freight dogs, and in one case a $9/hr flight instructor who ate nothing but Heinz Baked Beans for a year.

Tartan Air Lines announced this week its 1Q 04 results, reporting profits up steeply and declaring a dividend of 43 cents a share, for the first time in the history of the no-frills airline. "Outsourcing is the key," CEO Edmund McBargan told analysts during a conference call. Tartan has always outsourced indirect cost centers such as ticketing, customer service, information technology, and baggage claim, mostly with long-time outsourcing partner Pilotless Technology of Mumbai and Delhi, India. The change that brought the airline new levels of profit is the actual outsourcing of piloting tasks. "It happens at the point where the UAV technology vector intersects the cost of labour vector," University of Minnesota economist Andy Borowitz explained. "At that point, you are d

Passengers on a British Airways 747 inbound from London's Heathrow Airport to Atlanta were treated to a not-so-rare display of military hardware when they were intercepted by Air Force F-15's some 250 miles off the eastern seaboard last night. The pair of fighters, armed to the teeth and then some, were dispatched after the captain of the BA flight reported that one of his cabin crew was having trouble with a passenger, 70-year-old Thelma Mae Johnson, a resident of the small town of Sweetwater, Georgia, who had been visiting her sister just outside London.