Tue, Apr 01, 2008
Mammoth Aircraft Creates Extensive Sun Blockage And Resultant
Climate Change
ANN APRIL 1st "SPECIAL" EDITION: Airbus's
gigantic (i.e., REALLY REALLY BIG) A380 airliner is under attack
again... and by a lobby that it once courted quite aggressively.
Following a NASA study of radical, sporadic and unexplained
climatological issues all over the planet, the mystery was solved
when an astute scientist (who reportedly owns over 1000 shares
of Boeing stock) correlated the climatological problems with the
growing Airbus A380 flight schedule.
NASA Climatologist Ernst Overcast was able to conclusively prove
that the mammoth area of the A380, at normal cruising altitudes
created such a large swath of sun blockage that a "climate shift
was inevitable." The matter was immediately seized upon as the
cause celebre by a number of environmentally sympathetic persons
and organizations. GreenPeace promised to block access to A380
manufacturing facilities worldwide and send nasty notes to A380
operators's Mothers, to boot.
Numerous musicians, including Barbara Streisand have called for
the airplane to be outlawed and forbidden from flying over much of
the Earth's surface while organizing anti-A380 protest concerts
(typified by a mass influx/migration of performer's Gulfstreams
close to show time). Former VP Al Gore is rumored to be filming a
follow-up documentary at the moment, tentatively titled "An
Inconvenient But Way-Too-Damned-Big Airplane." Oscar voters report
great enthusiasm for the upcoming project.
Airbus is promising major changes tot he airplane in order to
appease the environmental objections. A new refractive paint is
being evaluated that will allow the aircraft to "redirect" the
sun's light around the airplane in such a way as to negate much of
the shadowing effect that the current aircraft makes happen.
In the meantime, Airbus is buying "A380-Loads" of carbon-offsets
in the hopes that the gesture will give them sufficient time to
engineer a fix.
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