Unveils New TRTR Guidelines
04.01.06
'Special' Edition: At a news conference Wednesday, TSA
chief Kip Hawley (right) finally spoke the words pilots have longed
for him to say.
(No, not "I am retiring from the TSA to pursue my lifelong
dream to play Tevye on Broadway. Watch out, Fierstein.")
"After exhaustive study, we have determined that, in fact,
little real-world security threat exists from small general
aviation aircraft flying near government facilities," Hawley said.
"A far greater threat than a Cessna 150 exists in such everyday
vehicles as delivery trucks and moving vans."
"In fact, the TSA recently unearthed evidence that such a
vehicle -- in this case, I believe it was a moving van -- has been
used as recently as 1995 in an attack on domestic soil," Hawley
added. "On the other hand, no one has ever seriously attempted to
use a small aircraft in a 9/11-style attack, and anyone with a good
grasp of physics would likely never attempt it."
"I mean, look at the clown who flew his C150 into the White
House a few years back," added Hawley. "The branches on the
surrounding rose bushes were sturdier."
While Hawley admitted that small aircraft pose little threat to
national security, that unfortunately doesn't mean GA pilots will
see a decrease in the number of Temporary Flight Restrictions
(TFRs) that increasingly dominate national airspace. In fact,
Hawley revealed that soon TFRs will be joined, and often
accompanied by, new restrictions known as TRTRs -- Temporary Ryder
Truck Restrictions.
"We realize it is unfair to single out Ryder, a fine company, as
the latest potential purveyor of national doom," Hawley said.
"However, we intend the term "Ryder" to be used much as "Kleenex,"
a protected trademark, is used by anyone in need of a tissue."
"Besides, TUPSTR, TFEDEXSTR and TU-HTR don't have the
necessary alliterative cachet," Hawley added.
Under the new program, the TSA will impose sudden, often
unannounced restrictions on all vehicles greater than 15,000 lbs
gross weight in areas ranging from a five to 20 mile radius around
a protected region. Such vehicles will not be allowed to transit
into such protected regions without proper clearance from the
proper authorities.
Such clearances, Hawley mentioned, will need to be filled out,
in triplicate, and filed at least 12 hours before engine start of
the affected ground transport vehicle. Vehicles awaiting clearance
will be forced to drive in a 360 degree circle at the nearest
intersection to the TRTR border -- without hitting other
vehicles, stop signs, streetlights, or pedestrians.
Already, a Special
Notice TRTR has been enacted in the area directly underlying the
Washington ADIZ, extending from ground level to 17', 8" AGL.
"We will no longer ignore this important, possible threat to the
security of our great nation," said Hawley. "From now on -- no
matter the difficulties -- delivery vehicles and moving vans will
not be allowed within range of protected officials such as the
President, or the Assistant Secretary of Agriculture."
"In fact," Hawley added smugly, "they won't even come within ten
miles of them."