Trophy Will "Really Brighten Up The Dungeon"

04.01.06 'Special' Edition: TSA Director Mark E. Dessard was backing in an unexpected accolade -- the prestigious Amin Human Rights Award, presented annually by the UN Human Rights Commission to that organization that, "has done the most in the past year to advance human rights as the Commission understands them."

There were many competitors for this award, formally called the His Excellency President for Life General Field Marshal Idi Amin al-Hadji Dada Human Rights Prize, after the celebrated African statesman whose vision for his continent the UN continues to carry out today.

Dessard appeared fit and trim in a black leather outfit riding flecked with red.

Initially he didn't want to speak, but when the assembled diplomates changed their chant from "Speech! Speech!" to "Speech! Or else!" he agreed to say a few words.

"We're seldom appreciated by the public, so this award is a really big deal for us," he said.

"It's hard to stay on the job day in and day out, to make yourself ignore scowling jihadis so that you can make your quota of grandmothers humilitiated and toddlers terrorized. But our guys and gals stay singleminded in their pursuit of maximum inconvenience to septuagenarians with Swedish names."

"I'm not accepting this award for myself, but on behalf of all of them. Of course, I'm the lucky guy who gets to display it. It'll really brighten up the dungeon," he said, admiring the trophy.

The award was to be presented by UN diplomat Kojo Annan, celebrity son of UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, but he was unavoidably detained at his usual duties cheating tourists at three-card monte outside the international agency's Turtle Bay headquarters. In his place, the award was presented by Ali ibn Warzook, Chief Inquisitor of the Libyan Arab Revolution and Libyan ambassador to the UN Human Rights Commission.

The UN Human Rights Commission's rotating membership currently comprises Saudi Arabia, China, Cuba, North Korea, Libya, Zimbabwe, Iran, Serbia and Montenegro, Hamas, Hezbollah, and one of the factions of child warriors in Sierra Leone.

FMI: www.tsa.gov (Remember: Big Brother is Watching You!)