Take a letter, Abdullah

The following communication from Saddam Hussein was intercepted by American forces in central Iraq nearly two weeks ago, shortly after the first round of missile strikes hit strategic targets in Baghdad.

MEMO

From: Saddam Hussein, President
          Republic of Iraq
          Baghdad

To:     Customer Service
          Aviaconversiya
          Moscow, Russia

CC:    Oleg Antonov
          President
          Aviaconversiya

I am writing to complain about the performance of your product, the GPS Jammer.

My records indicate our Defense Ministry purchased six of these items from your company, Aviaconversiya, in November and December, 2002. All six were employed in the defense of our nation during the war of aggression currently being waged against my country by the yellow-dog, running sore imperialist American devils and their lapdog lackeys, the British. Your director, Mr. Antonov, personally assured my representatives that these devices would be capable of jamming GPS signals up to a range of 200 kilometres (125 miles).

As you know, jamming GPS signals is vital to the defense of our brave country. The American sons of whores and their homosexual lovers, the British, have employed extensive use of GPS-guided weapons.

We followed your instructions in setting up these jammers to the letter. We even called your customer hotline to ensure that we got it right. You said we did. Please see the attached photos for evidence that we have fully complied with your operational directions.

So, imagine my surprise on the night of 19 March 2003, when an American Tomahawk cruise missile flew directly through the window of my favorite palace, and came straight at my head! The cursed weapon even singed my mustache before exploding next door. I was slightly wounded in this attack (see attached medical invoice).

On 23 March 2003, six of these devices were in operation when the devil's minions from America and Britain again attacked my beloved Baghdad. In this attack, and a similar raid by the cowardly, night-feeding cretins who are our enemies, all six of your devices were destroyed - by GPS-guided weapons!

I am furious. Your product did not performed as advertised. Do you think we are stupid?

Please contact us immediately with your terms for immediate replacement of these devices or be on notice that we demand refund of the entire purchase price, plus shipping. Er... better yet, we'll call you. Er... better yet, we'll call the lawyers and they'll call you.

We will. Just as soon as we dispose of the oil-hungry horde at our doorstep. Really. You are in SUCH trouble.

Gotta run.

Love,

Saddam