Newark Flattened

France, one of the few countries in President Bush's "coalition of the willing" to refuse to supply ground troops in Operation Iraqi Freedom, finally sent its air force on a sortie to bomb selected targets in Baghdad. As a result, Newark (NJ) lies in ruin.

"What the hell was that?" asked an obviously shaken Newark Mayor Frank Stare.

"We were having a barbecue, minding our own business, when all hell breaks loose! Next thing I know, I'm in the Emergency Operation Center picking up the pieces."

Mission Navigator: "I Should've Turned Left At Albuquerque."

Forced to avoid countries with which the coalition has no fly-over agreements, the flight of 16 Albatross D.III aircraft (and a few spare Nieuport 11s) spent the better part of two weeks navigating its way to the southwestern United States before making an erroneous course change. Instead of taking up a heading of 270 to approach Baghdad from the east, as called for during the mission plan, the flight's navigator, Capt. Aveugle Clouseau, turned to 035 and headed straight for Newark.

"I blame myself," said Capt. Clouseau, obviously miffed at his own mistake. "I was holding the map the wrong way." Three days later, Newark was in flames.

"It certainly looked like Baghdad," Defense Minister Fernie Limpeau told a news conference in Warsaw. "If not Baghdad, then a third world country of one type or another." He blamed the mistake on poor navigational aids and a lack of time for pre-mission planning before the French flight launched.

Newark In Flames

"What I don't understand," said Defense Minister Limpeau, "is that we carried no bombs or weapons. Hell, these are World War One fighters. We don't have the weight-to-thrust ratio to carry big rocks!"

"We didn't drop rien on Newark," Capt. Clouseau confirmed.

Indeed, Mayor Stare told ANN the city appears to have spontaneously combusted in a freak supernatural occurrence that coincided with the overflight of the French warplanes. "I mean, what is that? What the hell is that?" he asked of anyone who would listen.

FMI: www.operationwhiteflag.fr