Rec Pilots May See Much Higher Licensing Fees... Unless The 49ers Cover The Spread

04.01.06 'Special' Edition: Aero-News has obtained details of two of the FAA's proposed ideas for funding the national air traffic control system. The measures appear to be at least partly in response to scalding criticism from the GA community concerning the Air Transport Association's proposal, announced last month, that includes stifling user fees for general aviation pilots.

Wreck-A-Rec

The first plan, codenamed "Wreck-A-Rec," would involve a dramatic restructuring of the licensing requirements for one of the smallest segments of the general aviation community: recreational pilots.

"Basically, you have about 300 pilots out there who only want to fly their planes on weekends, when it's sunny and calm, and then only about 50 miles from their home airport," said FAA spokeswoman Kathleen Brown to ANN when asked to comment. "These pilots, while not necessarily a burden on the national airspace system, still clog the skies in relatively small areas -- and the agency feels they should shoulder the burden accordingly. Or, unofficially, a little bit more."

"Besides," Brown added, "they're generally a quiet lot, they keep to themselves, and are not prone to public outcry -- unlike other GA pilots who like to raise a ruckus whenever someone tries to get another $25 out of them."

The FAA's proposal would call for annual licensing fees of approximately $47,000,000 per year for each of the 291 registered recreational pilots, to cover all of the FAA's projected $13.4 billion annual budget.

"I know what you're going to say -- that's a lot of money," said Brown. "But let's face it, these pilots are obviously pretty well-to-do -- after all, they own their own airplanes."

"Besides," Brown added, "with full payment of their annual fee, we will waive their annual medical exam."

Operation Over/Under

The second proposal, referred to as "Operation Over/Under" in internal documents, is more obscure... but preliminary analysis by ANN scientists reveals the plan involves several intricate mathematical computing formulae, elaborate methods of public concealment of intent... and the city of Las Vegas, NV.

"We're not saying much about 'Over/Under' at this time," Brown told ANN. "We're trying out several possible funding strategies, including in-depth study of the ideas presented in the book Knock-Out Blackjack, detailing what authors Vancura and Fuchs say is 'the easiest card-counting system ever devised.'"

The funding proposal may prove to be hit among pilots of all stripes -- private, bizav and airline alike -- who, should the FAA have a particularly good week "playing the ponies," would not have to spend ANY money on such necessities as landing fees, or contacting a flight service station.

Conversely, however, should the FAA default on its contractual obligations on a given "funding strategy," ramp agents referred to as "Vinnies" would be rapidly deployed to airports across the nation, shaking down pilots for needed coin.

"We have a strategy," Brown added.

"Should we ever get in a jam, we'll throw the keys to the New York field office on the table. We doubt anyone we're playing against will know we closed and consolidated that operation... because really, who'd believe we actually did that?"

"We figure about half the time, everyone will be happy with "Over/Under," said Brown. "The other half of the time -- well, it's more like 46/54 as far as actual percentages go -- pilots will wish they'd smiled and nodded at the ATA's proposal."

Speaking of the ATA, already the FAA's proposal has received a favorable review from organization chairman James May, who spoke with Aero-News via cell phone recently from an undisclosed location.

"C'mon, lucky seven," said May, as slot machines could be heard in the background. "Basically, what the FAA is proposing is no less a risk than what the airlines have been doing for the past five years. We're glad the agency is finally onboard with our way of thinking."

"Ah, damn it..." said May. "The 49er's just busted the spread. I gotta go." The line then went dead.

FMI: www.faa.gov, www.air-transport.org, www.gambling.com