Even though the clamor has died down somewhat over whether or not President Bush completed his proper service commitment to the Alabama Air National Guard, the leader of the USA has decided to return to the cockpit. White House spokesman Scott McClellan confirmed that President Bush had been training "...for a few weeks... We've installed a full motion F-16 simulator in the West Wing and the president has made good use of it. He says that the transition from the F-102 to the F-16 has not been all that difficult and is looking forward to getting back to duty as soon as possible. He wants there to be no questions as to whether he owes the American people any more military service."

As the 2004 presidential campaign continues into what promises to be a long, hot political summer, the American symbol of peace and democracy has become something of a hot-button item. At issue: the Bush administration's plans to reconfigure the aircraft. "I believe the aircraft should reflect the president," said Chief of Staff Andrew Card. "Therefore, we're researching the installation of a second right wing."

Shock-jock Howard Stern and radio's right wingnut, Rush Limbaugh, were secretely parachuted into Iraq early this week, military sources tell ANN. The decision to send both radio personalities into the war-torn country was made at the highest levels of the Pentagon and the FCC.

Recent photos leaked to the media have forced military officials to deal with an alarming epidemic of cracks revealed by helicopter maintenance crews, when inspecting their aircraft (ANN Note: See photo, below, but be sure to check the enlarged version to 'assess' the true impact of the problem).