ANN To Bring Intense Realism To The Aviation Public
ANN 04.01.07 SPECIAL
EDITION: Despite intense secrecy surrounding ANN's
forthcoming "ANN 10.0" iteration, details were accidentally
released this week when ANN Managing Editor, Rob Finfrock, let a
few tidbits slip out while chatting up a stewardess at a pub near
DFW.
With the cat out of the bag (and Finfrock in the dog house), ANN
has decided to confirm a few of the more salient details in order
to keep the rumor mill at bay.
"We're really disappointed that we can't pull this thing off as
a complete surprise," noted Campbell... "we'd taken such intense
measures to maintain secrecy -- but all it takes is a pretty face
and Finfrock spills his guts."
Indeed; one of the most closely guarded secrets in aviation
history had been maintained for months... but at a high cost to
those who attempted to breach ANN's crack security apparatus. At
least one curious staffer from Sun 'n Fun was mauled by a number of
ANN's specially trained attack weasels and there are reports that 2
spies from AvWeb are rumored to have been lost in the shark-filled
moat that surrounds ANN HQ these days.
Regardless, part of the
secret is now out and ANN is confirming that among the vast feature
set that comprises ANN 10.0 are two much longed-for features... 3-D
video programming and "Smell-O-Vision" (tm). Campbell notes that
"...3-D technology is an amazing thing to view -- it turns the
average Sean Tucker airshow performance into a visual masterpiece
and creates a stunning reaction from the viewer as he appears to
fly directly out of the screen and into the viewers lap... and once
they finish the resultant trip to the laundry, we have a feeling
that no one will ever pass up an ANN 3-D Video-Cast ever again.
It's the ultimate electronic rush!"
On the "Smell-O-Vision" front, Campbell promises that this
addition to their feature set will bring unparalleled dimensions to
ANN's vast programming repertoire. "You have NOT really understood
what we have to deal with at an FAA Press Conference until you've
done it in "Smell-O-Vision," he exults.
"It truly brings a depth of
understanding to such events that is not possible any other way --
unless you're there for yourself. Within seconds, you can
detect, the general "Bravo-Sierra" we've had to contend with for
years... but of course, there is an upside to this as well, you can
smell the Corvus oil during airshow performances, critique the
aftershave selections of many of the aviation industry's more
urbane leaders, and actually smell the sweat trickling down
the face of one of our interview targets... what a hoot!"
ANN notes that there will be strict controls over
"Smell-O-Vision" programming. "There are some things that we simply
won't subject our viewership to... airline press conferences about
user fee issues throw off a stench worse than a Kansas City
stockyard at high noon... and no one needs to be subjected to
that... no one."
ANN, in confirming these few details, does caution one and all
to note that these are just a few of the MANY secret details that
ANN is preparing for the near future with the forthcoming ANN 10.0
programming upgrade... and as long as we can keep Finfrock away
from redheads, we expect to have some big surprises for you in the
coming months.
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