'Thank You' Barely Covers How I Feel Right Now...
It's been a
shade over two months since my world got turned inverted in
the most unpleasant way imaginable and despite what it
all felt like in the first few minutes of awareness that Vicki was
gone, I have learned to survive and even manage a smile or two
in the interim. I'd have not thought it possible at that point, but
one of the inescapable truisms of life is that it does indeed
go on -- painfully, slowly and often with great regret and more
than its share of sadness.
There were times when it was just plain painful to function --
knowing that Vicki could not -- and yet I know we both believed
that life was all about taking big bites and getting the most out
it that we could... and slowly but surely that is just what I'm
doing... a day at a time. But even two months later, I'm amazed at
how many times during the day the realization of it all stops me in
my tracks and takes my breath away. To those of you that have
suffered bereavements of life-long partners, who had years and
years and years together in comparison to the short time that Vicki
and I shared... well, I don't know how you live through that...
though I'd have given anything to have had the lifetime in which to
try. But, as always, God had other plans.
Still, something truly amazing happened out of all of this... in
writing of the events of August 22nd, and my trip to Santa Paula to
say Good-Bye, I shared a bit of that with you... and many
of you responded.
Holy smokes, did you respond...
The stories that I wrote were not only read widely, but as I
understand it now, passed around, and around, and around. And then
some of you, many of you as it happens, wrote back. In many cases,
it was a chance to say you were sorry about what happened to
Vicki, an opportunity to offer condolences, many
appreciated my memories of Vicki, some offered prayers for her
soul, and many, many, MANY of you reached out to talk about YOUR
lives, YOUR loves, YOUR joys, YOUR triumphs, YOUR losses, YOUR
sadnesses and how we all, as aviators are bound together by an
undeniable spirit that non-flyers can never truly understand. I
received amazing missives... heartfelt, emotional, intimate,
profound and stirring beyond measure. And yes, I read them all...
many times over.
They came from all walks of life... aero-geeks just now thinking
of learning to fly, new pilots who were just getting their wings,
old-time ANN and US Aviator readers, leaders of the Aero-Industry,
old friends, people I've never met often from the other side
of the world, veterans of thousands of hours, people who have flown
in space and journeyed to amazing places -- and so many others...
and in such extraordinary numbers. Some two months later, the
staggering tally stands at nearly 19,000 emails, letters, cards,
IMs, text messages and calls.
I am amazed by all this... both in the generosity
of the spirits that took time to share themselves with
me, as well as the genuine care and wondrous affection you sent my
way. So many wrote about the journey that Vic and I shared for
all-too-brief a time... as well as the work that I have done
for the last few decades, and and how much it was appreciated...
and while I never did what I did to seek appreciation, and
(frankly) didn't expect much of it, I'm astounded by how
much I found myself needing to hear all that. Best of all,
though, were those who both knew or never met Vicki... and found
themselves enriched by the little glimpse they saw of her
life, and why I had no choice but to care for her, and how they
came to care for her, as well.
While I'd have thought that nothing on this earth could ease the
pain of living in a world without Vic, I have found that your
thoughts, prayers and condolences actually did... and you have no
idea how grateful I am for that. If I could find the right words,
the ones that would accurately detail my thanks, gratitude and
appreciation, I'd write them down here and now... but these less
than adequate sentences will simply have to do in their stead.
I need to tell you something, though,... something I have been
relating in the last few days to some of the movers and shakers of
the aero-world... I am floored by the state of grace I found
among the aviation world... of the great goodness and
positive spiritual health of aviation. The people who reached
out to me these past many days have shown themselves to be some of
the most enlightened, caring, and truly empowered citizens of this
tiny orb. There is great strength and wisdom in our numbers --
there is such caring and sympathy, there is great intelligence and
insight, there is abundant wisdom and humor... and I am so very
humbled to be a small part of the community that I have glimpsed
through the haze of these sad times. To be brutally honest, as much
as I have so loved what I do... it has often come at a great cost
and with great difficulty... and if there was ever any doubt of my
need and ability to carry on my efforts to report on and protect
the world of flight, it has been erased by the insights these last
weeks have given me. A good thing, that, as I feel some of the
greatest challenges we may ever face are now in our immediate
future... and it will take a lot from us all to meet them.
So... let me do this. To all of you who share my love for
flight, and flyers, and all the exquisite details that bind us to
such lofty pursuits and ideals, and especially to those who wrote
me these past few weeks -- Thank You. I truly am in debt to
you all and if it takes the rest of my life to make good on that,
so be it. It is an honor and privilege to be a part of your
lives... and to serve you. We are all a part of each other's
journey in this turbulent, rambling, puzzle we call life... and for
that part of us all that truly soars, please know that I remain
here, empowered by your words and am fully, absolutely committed to
doing all that I can to see that the world of aviation, and all
those who love it, persevere and prosper.
Blue Skies...
ANN's Daily Aero-Linx (04.16.24)
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